phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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