apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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