it hurts more in the daytime
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my shit smells like andre
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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