fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
