Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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