they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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