I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
