I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
