HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize