My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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