can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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