Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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