i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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