Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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