I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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