Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So much rum. So many feels.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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