I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
