I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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