Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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