were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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