Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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