so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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