Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
