I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
