Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
