I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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