Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
