Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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