I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
