the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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