She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
