That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
