Girls should come with a carfax report
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
