I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
