Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
