Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
