I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
