if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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