My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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