Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
