haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
