In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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