I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize