Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
