After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
