I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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