so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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