we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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