went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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