im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize