Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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