i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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