Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
