Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
