Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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