That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
