Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think people are normalizing furries
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
