I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
