This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.