Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
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I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.