Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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