$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
