....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
