Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
