i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
