I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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