The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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