I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
